Tag: toronto

Recovery Day 7 – Walking, shopping, working

Date #357 – Saturday, July 26, 2014

A: Finding things that don’t require me to stare at a screen are great – so we went for a walk. A photo walk; sauntering around Church-Wellesly Village and over to some bookstores on Yonge. I also got a bunch of M&Ms because there was a promo code inside to get 2 free movie tickets. Worth it!

Spending time in the bookstore was awesome. B and I picked up a couple books – I got some pulpy syfy from the 40’s and another Bradbury book which was recommended. B got a haiku book and a Richter coffee table book. I smiled like a goof when he told me his book choices. He’s basically a dream of mine. I mean, a haiku book. Swoon.

B: A adorably worked out the cost of these bags of M &Ms and how many you would have to buy to get the 2 movie ticket deal vs the cost of 2 movie tickets and determined it was worth buying the M&Ms. I was worried about all the sugar and also that A can’t eat M&Ms because of her teeth being broken…which meant I would probably eat them all.

We went though and she was super happy. It was cute.

I love being in bookstores. I love being surrounded by all that knowledge. I can’t wait to have my own book of poetry in there. It terrifies me and that means I must do it. I bought a book of Haikus by Masaoka Shiki (I think) and I book of paintings from Gerhardt Richter (one of my favourites).

Day 3 of recovery – Mom & Supplements 

Date #353 – Tuesday, July 22, 2014

A: Day one of my momma talking care of me so B could go in to work. She was working too and set up her computer at my desk. I basically just sat there or napped. I tried to do a bunch of things and couldn’t. Felt like a huge failure……… especially since I was particularly awful at not doing anything. My mom kind of ignored me. But it was nice to have someone here so I wasn’t alone.

B was kind enough to speak to this incredible nutritionist for some advice regarding supplements. He even picked them all up for me and told me about each one. I really like the curcumin pill. Curcumin is the active ingredient in turmeric and is a powerful antioxidant.

B: I was really nervous about leaving A but really happy her Mom was there to look after her. I knew there were many things to consider when taking care of A, especially that A was to stay in a very restful, quiet state so she could recover. A also had a big list of supplements to take. I made her a schedule and put it on the wall. I tried to do as many things to help A not have to think so her brain could rest (essential for concussion recovery).

We spoke a few times on the phone and she told me how things were going. I could tell it was stressful and I knew this wasn’t good for A or her Mom. The situation WAS stressful. Recovery and injury is hard on everyone. A’s friend came over for a bit and I spoke to her as well. I’m so happy A has so many amazing people in her life.

I then spoke to A’s Mom a bit about how difficult this process of healing can be, not just for A but for the people closest to A. It was super scary for me and I can’t even imagine what A’s Mom or A felt.

I spoke to the nutritionist at my gym, Academy of Lions, Nathalie Niddam. She recommended Magnesium, Zinc, Vitamin B, D, C, and K as well as Curcummin (for inflammation), Wobenzym (for Bacteria), and E3 Live (which I love). I picked this all up and brought it to A.

When I got to her place she had received even more flowers and a MASSIVE nutritional pack from her old work filled with protein, chia and flax, and some other great stuff.

Again I was so overwhelmed and grateful for A’s support network and I felt way less stressed about her recovery.

Day 2 of recovery – Dizziness and flowers

Date #352 – Monday, July 21, 2014

A: This was the worst day. The worst. I opened my eyes in the morning to a world that was SPINNING. My room looked like those desert photos taken of the sky at night where the stars look like they’re circling us. It was scary. “What do I do!?” I said, grabbing B’s arm. He didn’t know! He said, “Does it feel better with your eyes open or closed!?” It was traumatizing. We made a little corner on the couch where I could sit up and rest. Every time I put my head back, the world spun, so that was my day. All I can say is that I’m so lucky B was there and that he graciously worked from home to stay with me. It was so scary!

B: There was no way I was going to leave A alone. She kept waking up in a panic and then going back to bed. It was kind of terrifying.

Thankfully things calmed down a bit and we chalked the dizziness up to the 1/2 Percoset she took the night before. These kind of side affects are a big reason I am not a fan of drugs.

As A calmed down we started to focus more on updating the people in her life about the accident. Her and I freelance and so when things like this happen you have to be proactive about letting people know. Her writing colleagues were super gracious and understanding about everything.

As the news spread the questions about the accident and well-wishes for a speedy recovery came in. As I read the messages to A I was overwhelmed. Above is a photo of the first of many bouquets that arrived.

Obvious Child

Date #348 – Tuesday, July 15, 2014

A: B’s bud told us to check out this movie called Obvious Child so we made a plan to go. It ended up only being B and I because his friend was late and it sold out! Well, he missed a great flick. This film was so cute and good and progressive and funny. I wrote about it on my blog because I loved it so much. Basically, sitting beside B during the opening skit made me giggle a lot. Go see it and then we’ll talk.

B: I’ll just tell you…the opening skit talks about what really goes on with women’s underwear. It was a revelation for me and, based on the way many of the women in the theatre were laughing, it was totally true.

I thought “yeah, I always figured it would be kind of messy down there…it just makes sense,” and finally someone was de-mistifying it for me. 

Anyways, the movie was hilarious and I am so happy I saw it with A. I was sad my friend missed out. I really like when A and I get to hang out with other people. We’re so busy it doesn’t happen much.

Sailing

Date #345 – Thursday, July 10, 2014

A: B’s parents are awesome! They sailed to the city! Woah! Of course we went to visit them! I love Toronto Island. It’s such a nice little escape RIGHT in the heart of such a metropolis. I love that you have to take a boat and you can bring your bike and that it feel like you’re so far from all the dirt and spin of urban living that it’s a mini-vacation-feeling-experience. I’m happy to share all that with B… Well… that he brings me along with him on these sorts of things. I wouldn’t have had the chance to do this otherwise. 

B: I think it is super adorable and inspiring when my parents go on adventures like this. They do it a lot actually. Growing up my sisters and I would always be included. Now, they finally are going on their own adventures but they still like to include us as much as possible.

I think they were as ecstatic to see as as we were to see them. It was pretty amazing to get this perspective of the city. I love going to the Island, but being on a boat in the water with this massive city towering over you is kind of an incredible feeling. I felt small and vulnerable but also happy to be a part of something so much bigger than me. I was happy to be sharing that with A and my parents.

I hope when we are their age and have been together as long as them we still find ways to do amazing, new, and scary things like my parents do.

Onion Goggles & Cookies

Date #344 – Wednesday, July 9, 2014

A: You can make fun of me all you want but those onions were STRONG and those ski goggles helped…. a little. The acid fumes still got to my eyes believe it or not, but we got it done. B and I made lentil masala (I’m guessing that’s what it’s called) and the BEST pale chico chip cookies ever!! (We haven’t made them in SO long!) And… of course… Orphan Black.

B: This was hilarious. A put on these goggles from the 80s to chop onions while we made dinner together. She is adorable.

After, while watching Orphan Black we made these Paleo cookies (no grains or processed items). I think the recipe is vegan too…

Anyways, the cookies actually were even better than they looked and I ate way too many. Mmmmm…

She’s Black He’s Jewish Oh Vey!

Date #343 – Tuesday, July 8, 2014

NOTE: B talks about sexually specific issues in this post.

A: B and I went to see She’s Black He’s Jewish They’re Married Oy Vey! at the Fringe Fest this year and it was… interesting. It was about married couple – she’s black, he’s jewish – and their performance was about successful marriage and how, if two people stemming from arguably the most repressed histories can come together and be incredibly happy in life and love, then you can too. In that regard it was funny. I enjoy sexually humorous and adventurous content, especially in public, but I am so passionate about not fitting into a box that I get a little turned off when shows are simply about heteronormative love. I think we live in a day and age where we no longer have to fit into boxes and follows formulas and there’s a freedom in that. I know a lot of people don’t see this or understand it or have had the opportunity to learn about this sort of approach to life and that heteronormative art/shows/stories take away from the possibility of people learning that there’s more to life and love than that.

I was happy to be there with B. I hope that we can spend the rest of our lives going to shows and seeing art and experiencing people in this way.

B: OH MY GOSH this play was hilarious! I laughed so hard!!

I think a play featuring people making fun of themselves, talking crudely about their own sex-lives, and ultimately offering up some great relationship advice is the perfect date. I’m so happy that we went.

I understand A’s observations about things being slightly heteronormative, but I also think these two were trying to say “this is our story and here’s what we learned that may help you too.”  There were a few times where they made broad statements that painted all couples as woman + man. 

There was one point where I felt somewhat uncomfortable that I haven’t talked to A about…It was when the two went on about the lesson “never let him cum first.” It was a lesson based off the idea that when a man ejaculates he doesn’t want to do anything else. Taken further and more broadly, this could be meant as “always put your partner’s needs in front of your’s”…or not.

Anyways, I know this feeling well. It’s quite often true. I don’t know what it is or why, but when I ejaculate I do loose most of my sexual interest. It has nothing to do with A and I am happy to kiss her and cuddle, I just don’t really want to do anything sexual after. 

I love making A happy in all ways. Sexually, I know she often pays a lot of attention to me (with no pressure or suggestion from me at all). So when this came up in the play I felt like I was blushing a lot and thinking “Oh no! I cum first all the time. We’ve never talked about this!”

Looks like we need to have a conversation…

We needed… space

Date #341 – Sunday, July 6, 2014

A: Brian and I were having internal dialogues with ourselves that completely clashed once the words came out. I drew this self-portrait on an app I found because I was looking for a distraction and wanted to seem busy. We don’t have other photos because it was one of those days. Do you take photos on those days?

I ended up leaving B and biking home crying. When I got home I paced a lot and cleaned my apartment until I decided to go to TURF anyway, even if I was going alone (Good idea because Jeff Tweedy is incredible and bad idea because Wilco songs make me cry a lot). I wanted to make things right with B but I’m learning that space is good, sometimes. In the beginning I would press and we would argue and nothing ever got solved until we had some space. Well we had some space. And it got solved. I am awful at remember the small details, but I knew I missed him very much while listening to Jeff Tweedy. I even sent him a song whose lyrics I cried to while standing in the crowd and I held my phone so tightly waiting for a response, hoping it was positive and loving. I felt like I was 15. I know we’re only on date #341, but I would be utterly heartbroken without B. It was an emotional day. 

B: I was so happy when I found out that A ended up going to see Wilco. We had one of those arguments where a bunch of stuff builds up and you can’t really say what you’re fighting about. After things and I was sitting on my bed feeling sad I thought, “I caused this and A shouldn’t miss Wilco because of that.” She didn’t and that was good.

One of the things I’ve learned is to focus on how you’re feeling and what you need. I realized in this moment that I needed my own space. I remember feeling like I was being pulled in a million different directions and completely overwhelmed. I’m not sure why but I know in those moments I have a tendency to take it out on the people closest to me and blame them for my feelings. NEVER blame others for your feelings. It will get you no where.

So A and I took some space and I started to accept that that was what we needed and I was totally afraid to admit that. I’m afraid sometimes that I will loose A and I’m afraid to be alone and so I hold on to things so tightly that they can sometimes reek havoc. 

What I learned is that A and I need to accept that sometimes we need time apart and that is OK. The big question is how we will get this “alone time” when we live together….

TURF Day 2! Gaslight Anthem, Violent Femmes, and The Strumbellas

Date #340 – Saturday, July 5, 2014

A: I felt awful but really wanted to go to the second day of TURF. It was a beautiful day and we took it easy. I love going to these things with B. He knows people, we mingle, sit around, I occasionally see someone I know, usually drink beer (except I had the flu)… I am happy to spend these summer days with B outdoors listening to incredible music. It makes me feel lucky and un-alone. Like I’m part of this big group of awesome, talented, and hip people who are all there because we have something in common and, for the first time, I’m going to these events with a partner. An actual person that I’m trying real hard to build something with. And I’m really proud of it. There was a time when I didn’t think I’d ever have or feel this.

Gaslight Anthem was incredible although I wish the other band members, or at least one or two, spoke more. Maybe they don’t like to speak, so I shouldn’t assume what I’m assuming (lead singer syndrome!). Last time I saw them at Sound Academy I had recently been dumped and my friend ditched me so I cried the entire set. This show was way better and definitely a highlight of my summer. I liked singing to B too, even though my voice sounded like a million dying drones in the desert.

B: Looking back on this day I can already tell what was building to Sunday…

Anyways, this festival has an unreal lineup but I was so tired I could barely enjoy the festival. Yes, A was sick but she seemed really energized by the bands. I, on the other hand, was happy to just laze around. I was also still really sore from my bike accident and was trying to stand as little as possible. Even writing this now I can’t believe how hard it was to stand even for a short while.

Anyways, I was happy I got to see The Strumbellas. They are awesome. I left A to listen to them. I really like that we are confident and independent even together.

Here’s a track for your enjoyment:

Sick. Again.

Date #339 – Friday, July 4, 2014

A: It was Independence day AND the first day of TURF… And I had the flu. TURF is my favourite summer festival in the city and I wanted to go so badly but B encouraged me to rest up for day 2 and 3 of the festival instead. It was a good choice, since I was really sick. I never used to get the flu… I guess that’s long gone. I’ll never forget date #2 when B convinced me to come over, even though I had the flu. We watched a movie that used to make me bawl my eyes out as an adolescent. Where the Heart Is. Have you seen it? I think I’m due for a re-watching. Or a re-reading. The book is heart-wrenching. 

B: It’s really hard to tell how sick A is because she HATES being sick and hides her sickness really well. Should we have gone to TURF? Well, Beirut, Born Ruffians, Deer Tick and more were playing. If you don’t know, those are bands that we both LOVE. 

That is how sick A was (and how completely tired I was). I was really tired. I only know this now because I’m asking myself “Did you really miss out on Beirut?”