Tag: Sex

She’s Black He’s Jewish Oh Vey!

Date #343 – Tuesday, July 8, 2014

NOTE: B talks about sexually specific issues in this post.

A: B and I went to see She’s Black He’s Jewish They’re Married Oy Vey! at the Fringe Fest this year and it was… interesting. It was about married couple – she’s black, he’s jewish – and their performance was about successful marriage and how, if two people stemming from arguably the most repressed histories can come together and be incredibly happy in life and love, then you can too. In that regard it was funny. I enjoy sexually humorous and adventurous content, especially in public, but I am so passionate about not fitting into a box that I get a little turned off when shows are simply about heteronormative love. I think we live in a day and age where we no longer have to fit into boxes and follows formulas and there’s a freedom in that. I know a lot of people don’t see this or understand it or have had the opportunity to learn about this sort of approach to life and that heteronormative art/shows/stories take away from the possibility of people learning that there’s more to life and love than that.

I was happy to be there with B. I hope that we can spend the rest of our lives going to shows and seeing art and experiencing people in this way.

B: OH MY GOSH this play was hilarious! I laughed so hard!!

I think a play featuring people making fun of themselves, talking crudely about their own sex-lives, and ultimately offering up some great relationship advice is the perfect date. I’m so happy that we went.

I understand A’s observations about things being slightly heteronormative, but I also think these two were trying to say “this is our story and here’s what we learned that may help you too.”  There were a few times where they made broad statements that painted all couples as woman + man. 

There was one point where I felt somewhat uncomfortable that I haven’t talked to A about…It was when the two went on about the lesson “never let him cum first.” It was a lesson based off the idea that when a man ejaculates he doesn’t want to do anything else. Taken further and more broadly, this could be meant as “always put your partner’s needs in front of your’s”…or not.

Anyways, I know this feeling well. It’s quite often true. I don’t know what it is or why, but when I ejaculate I do loose most of my sexual interest. It has nothing to do with A and I am happy to kiss her and cuddle, I just don’t really want to do anything sexual after. 

I love making A happy in all ways. Sexually, I know she often pays a lot of attention to me (with no pressure or suggestion from me at all). So when this came up in the play I felt like I was blushing a lot and thinking “Oh no! I cum first all the time. We’ve never talked about this!”

Looks like we need to have a conversation…

Hot Docs after-party and lazy Sunday

Date #277 – Sunday, May 4, 2014

A: It was the last day of Hot Docs and B had to work at 5:30 so I made salad and stayed on the couch. I don’t think I left the couch. I wasn’t hungover at all, I think I just had a case of the Sundays. I know B did too, but it was harder for him because he had to mentally party over to the movie theatre. 

I know one thing B and I spoke about on this day was the reaction we get every so often when we’re interacting with the world independently and the people we’re interacting with find out we’re in a relationship. I’m saying, for example, women who find out B isn’t single. When this happens to me, and the person reacts negatively or distances themselves from me when they find out I’m in a relationship, I feel uncomfortable and guilty. I know most people want partnership, acceptance, and love, and I think society has sculpted us to believe we can only get this out of a sexual/intimate relationship. Once we learn that the person is “off limits,” it sometimes changes the dynamic. In moments like this I want to shake the world while also making teddy bears and ice cream sandwiches appear so whoever is interacting with whoever can feel happy, and accepted and loved and not guilty like I sometimes feel. I am rambling and being somewhat vague about this topic of conversation. I guess I’m just saying that I know what it feels like to be single and to have my eye out for every person I am attracted to and how unlucky I felt to find whichever person was “off limits.” I wish that I was able to view people as people – potential friends first, instead of potential partners/boyfriends/lovers. But B says we’re animals and animals like to mate. So that’s probably why it’s such a hard topic to separate, I suppose. B…. thoughts on this??? 

B: I know the exact feeling A is describing. I think I feel something similar. To give context, I was working the final day of Hot Docs and then was attending the after-party with all the various staff of the festival. I spoke to A later in the night about my the evening and how, even before everything began, the air was filled with sexual tension and anticipation.

I love connecting with people. I also love honesty and openness. I think people want this but sometimes a lot of things can get in the way. When I am talking with someone and they seem to loose interest when they find out I’m not available (people loose interest in conversations with me for other reasons too) it definitely hurts a bit. Parties sometimes can be hard that way.

Most people there want to connect, they just want to connect on different levels. When you find someone else on your level (say a plutonic, philosophical, deep conversation level….or an intense make-out level) it can be amazing. I got some amazing hugs that night and had some amazing conversations. I love Hot Docs and the staff.

A Valentine from Kevin Drew

Date #161 (Part 2) – Feb 14, 2014

B: So you may have seen the music video or heard the single “Good Sex” from Broken Social Scene front-man Kevin Drew’s sophomore album Darlings. And you may remember awhile back (Date #161) that A and I got all intimate and vulnerable on camera for said video. Well, it’s now out and it looks great!

Listening to the song I am continually taken back to that moment and the memories of how incredible A looked and how amazing the whole thing felt. It was great to feel so close to her despite being in a room with a Kev and bunch of strangers. The moment felt so intimate and personal.

I think that’s a big reason why I wish we were in the video more. I know that it is selfish and I think the thing looks great. It’s just a reminder that as personal and intimate as that moment was, it was for someone else’s art. And I’m happy we got to be a part and I’m really excited for the next thing like this A and I get to be a part of.

A: I am happy about the snippit of time we occupy in the video. It was vulnerable and special and we did it; we overcame our anxieties and fears and vulnerabilities and put ourselves out there and and we didn’t get hurt. This, to me, means we will be less afraid the next time we do something like this, which will hopefully be our own project, or one we have more creative control over. We like to do these things – as individuals, and as a couple. It’s scary and fun and thrilling and, on Valentine’s day, we got a reminder that we are capable of doing whatever we put our minds to. 

Also, I sent the video link to my mom with the subject, “Video.” Her reply: “Holy – did I see you and Brian?” She said she was trying to hide watching it at work because she didn’t want to have to explain that her daughter was in the video and that’s why she was watching. B and I laughed.

PIG, Pizza and Living spaces – Date #69 – September 18, 2013

B: A and I were attending a media preview of the World Premier of PIG, a play that left Buddies in Bad Times‘ Artistic Director “shaken by the play’s presentation of gay male sexuality.” Initially I was nervous, especially sitting in the front row, and several times throughout the play I wondered how much A was enjoying everything, but somewhere between actors masturbating to crying, discussing fucking with a knife, and a naked torture scene, I was profoundly moved. A told me she enjoyed the play too.

(read our review here)

After A had to look at an apartment and she was getting pretty hangry so we rushed to the greasiest pizza joint. The moment the pizza slice hit her tongue A’s demeanour changed and she got super happy. It was so adorable I contemplated carrying greasy pizza slices around everywhere (but then I’d eat them all ;))

Now I want pizza…

A: I don’t want pizza because I ate it for lunch. I didn’t even feel guilty. Not until writing that I didn’t feel guilty do I now feel a tiny pang of guilt. Okay, it’s only there because I know it maybe should be. I just have so little self-control. It’s something I fight with myself over a lot. But since I have so little of it, it never really bothers me that much. Anyways…

The play was great. I seriously loved it. It discusses some pretty dark, deep, emotionally riveting material but it didn’t bother me the way I thought it would. B read a bit of a review out loud before we watched it that got my mind moving about the play but I said, “Stop stop stop I want my own opinion!” He looked at me weirdly for saying it in such a panicked tone but it’s true! I wasn’t shocked at all by the play because of the three extremely descriptive sentences B just read me. This makes me think I didn’t go into the play with a clean slate but, in any case, I still really liked it. It didn’t make me squirm like the fancy-nancy that wrote that article.

We had a conversation about steering this blog into a more open, positive, and honest place where we can share our growing and learning with whomever is reading or following us on this journey.

That being said there may be forthcoming entries (like this one) that discuss more sensitive issues, sometimes in detail – like sex, emotions, and various forms of abuse.

We are both proud and vocal advocates of openness surrounding issues like emotional honesty, consensual sex and the exploration of life and all its challenges. We hope you continue to read on and even, hopefully, grow with us. 🙂

Butt culture coffee date – Date #49 – August 22, 2013

B: I love it when A stays over. She has cats so we spend more time at her place. I felt sad about the night before but then we cuddled and things were better. When we woke up we both were really horny so we started fooling around. A started playing grabbing my ass a lot while playing with me and, after I came things continued that way while I sucked on her nipples. Eventually she started getting closer to the rim and eventually slipped her finger inside a bit. It felt incredible.

We’ve talked a lot about this in the past, so nothing was a complete surprise. A knows that someone once fingered me against my will and so, when I stopped things before they got too overwhelming she understood. Communication is VERY important.

A: We OBVIOUSLY had a conversation this morning about writing more about our sex life and the arguments we get in. I don’t want this blog to be some facade of two people who found love and are always smiling. Life is not always smiling. Life is hard and beautiful and so are the struggles people experience alone and together.

When B told me on our first date that, one time, a woman stuck her finger somewhere he wasn’t expecting it (I laughed, but then), we talked about re-appropriating experiences that were once negative.  This was one of them. I am pretty free spirited but when someone tells me to do something that I’ve never done, I’m either like (a) now way, I’m not doing what you tell me to do or (b) maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe. This was a maybe. We’ll see where this goes.