Here we document our way to 1,000 dates – the joys, challenges, growing pains – and all the in-betweens.
We needed… space
Date #341 – Sunday, July 6, 2014
A: Brian and I were having internal dialogues with ourselves that completely clashed once the words came out. I drew this self-portrait on an app I found because I was looking for a distraction and wanted to seem busy. We don’t have other photos because it was one of those days. Do you take photos on those days?
I ended up leaving B and biking home crying. When I got home I paced a lot and cleaned my apartment until I decided to go to TURF anyway, even if I was going alone (Good idea because Jeff Tweedy is incredible and bad idea because Wilco songs make me cry a lot). I wanted to make things right with B but I’m learning that space is good, sometimes. In the beginning I would press and we would argue and nothing ever got solved until we had some space. Well we had some space. And it got solved. I am awful at remember the small details, but I knew I missed him very much while listening to Jeff Tweedy. I even sent him a song whose lyrics I cried to while standing in the crowd and I held my phone so tightly waiting for a response, hoping it was positive and loving. I felt like I was 15. I know we’re only on date #341, but I would be utterly heartbroken without B. It was an emotional day.
B: I was so happy when I found out that A ended up going to see Wilco. We had one of those arguments where a bunch of stuff builds up and you can’t really say what you’re fighting about. After things and I was sitting on my bed feeling sad I thought, “I caused this and A shouldn’t miss Wilco because of that.” She didn’t and that was good.
One of the things I’ve learned is to focus on how you’re feeling and what you need. I realized in this moment that I needed my own space. I remember feeling like I was being pulled in a million different directions and completely overwhelmed. I’m not sure why but I know in those moments I have a tendency to take it out on the people closest to me and blame them for my feelings. NEVER blame others for your feelings. It will get you no where.
So A and I took some space and I started to accept that that was what we needed and I was totally afraid to admit that. I’m afraid sometimes that I will loose A and I’m afraid to be alone and so I hold on to things so tightly that they can sometimes reek havoc.
What I learned is that A and I need to accept that sometimes we need time apart and that is OK. The big question is how we will get this “alone time” when we live together….
Andrea gets the flu – from B’s sister???
Date #338 – Thursday, July 3, 2014
A: All of this cost me $80 which I thought was a lot at the time but I later realized one or two pill or even a bag of protein could cost $65 or $100 easily! Over the past few years I’ve gotten into herbal remedies. I’ve never been one to take meds – ever – not even advil unless my headache is exploding – so working with people and meeting B who are/is interested in similar approaches has really inspired me. For example, I never knew about oil of oregano until I worked at my last job. It’s a miracle. Take it when you’re sick, and when you feel like you’re getting sick. Two hours after you take it, have a probiotic like kombucha or even a probiotic supplement. Oil of oregano kills the good and bad cells – everything – and the probiotic will restore the good cells. It works wonders.
Also – if you’re anemic or take iron – take it with vitamin C! You absorb 100% more of it!
We watched Orphan Black all night. I had the flu. It was legit. B was on all the pills too to ensure he didn’t get sick. What a lovely man, for keeping me company. Looking back fondly on date #2……. We were so eloquent in that entry. (If I could rewrite it, it’d include: I thought B was nuts for inviting me over having the flu, and I felt even more ridiculous driving over to his house as sick as a dog. We watched one my my favourite books-turned-movies and he was so open and accepting about how corny it was and how awful I was feeling that I was totally aghast and smitten. He told me was an intense person. I wanted to tell him I was difficult. Instead, I thought, maybe this will work out.)
B: I don’t know why, but I like taking care of people when they are sick. I think the body is remarkable and I’ve always been especially interested in how nutrition can help. I’m a big supporter of natural remedies and maybe part of me treats treating A like an experiment…sorry A but it seems to be working.
My little sister totally gave the flu to A. Luckily our friend Nathalie Niddam has given us an awesome routine that involves Oil of Oregano (followed by probiotics 2 hours later) Vitamin C, D, Zinc and an immune booster featuring Rishi Mushrooms. It totally works (especially if you start right when symptoms present).
Also, taking care of a sick person can be awesome. You get to sit around and watch movies and eat soup and drink orange juice but you don’t feel sick. Anyways, A got better and I didn’t get sick and now we have a pharmacy in the kitchen.
Loon Choir & Fireworks on the water
Date #336 – Tuesday, July 1, 2014
A: We played the train game again but this time B’s dad didn’t play. He totally wanted to after we were 20 minutes in so he hopped on to B’s grandma’s turn and it was hilarious. I was dying of laughter. Had to be there, I think, unless the photo above is any indication. It was adorable.We headed to the Oshawa Canada Day festival – and how few photos we have! – to see B’s sister’s incredible band, Loon Choir, play the gazebo stage. It was lovely. Oshawa reminded me a lot of London. That is all.
Later, we went to the harbour and sat on the front of B’s parent’s sailboat to watch the fireworks. It was really sweet. I felt really lucky to share this memory with B. I keep thinking, “It’s crazy that I’m on a boat right now with a sexy man in some suburb of a huge city. How did I get here???” And then I remember that everything happens one step at a time and then all of a sudden you’re knee deep in all the good things.
B: This was a really great day. I’ve realized with holidays that it is important to keep things simple – surround yourself with people you love. I love watching my sister play with Loon Choir. She is and the band are really talented. Plus, we were on a lake and that is awesome.
Watching the fireworks with my parents and Grandparents was pretty great too. It was a triple date and that was kind of funny and nice. Watching the fireworks my Mom kept remarking at all the smoke and how beautiful it was. I kept saying how we were watching massive pollution.
I liked the moment and am really grateful for that, but do wish for a more environmentally friendly way to celebrate our Nation’s birth.
Swinging Life Away – literally!
Date #335 – Tuesday, July 1, 2014
A: Canada Day! We went to the beach/park with B’s family. It was so lovely. Until B and his sis were all, “Hey, you HAVE to go on this spiny park toy. It’s SO fun.” So I did. And it was AWFUL. You don’t even know (and never will because I made B delete the video). I couldn’t stop spinning and my feet didn’t reach the ground, and there was nothing for me to reach for to stop myself, so I freaked out. Literally. I was in a weird headspace from the night before and I know it was completely selfish and unfair of me to act the way I did. I was always really embarrassed which didn’t settle well in my stomach. It was an off day. And I feel so silly for not acting like a grown up, but I guess we all have these days every once in a while. I just… usually try to have them alone in my apartment and not in front of my boyfriend’s entire family. Hah.
B: I wrote about the whole “playground incident” in the last post so I won’t get in to that here. Instead, I will tell you about the awesome things that happened. We walked along this beautiful peer and we laughed and we all spent time together – A and I and most of my family.
My Grandparents have little arguments about a lot of things. They are both opinionated individuals and so they but heads. I think it is hilarious…despite feeling very awkward at times. A got to see this. What was best was that one of these arguments was going on when A and I asked my Grandparents to swing together so I could take a photo of them. My Grandfather pouted while my Grandmother pleaded. I saw A and I in that moment.
Eventually they got on the swings and had a great time. They laughed while I took pictures and forgot about their argument. It gave me hope that if you are willing to just stop and joke around for a moment, you can always come back to the person you love.
Game night in Whitby!
Date #333 – Monday, June 30, 2014
A: We took the GO-train in rush hour on a Monday – a first for me! It wasn’t fun. I don’t know how people could commute… daily.
B’s grandparents were visiting so we stayed up and played board games and hung out. I love nights like these, and I’m so excited to play games with more than one person (my mom and I always had to stick to 2-player games, which aren’t as fun at times!).
B: I didn’t realize that because A didn’t grow up I a suburb of Toronto she missed out on the joy that is the Go Train commute. It actually is kind of interesting and there was a fictional, “The Office” style TV show made about it called Train 48.
Anyways, we rode the train to my parents where my Grandparents from Kansas/Alabama and already arrived. The best part was them looking skeptically at my sleeve tattoo but saying nothing. They are very opinionated and intelligent people, and I really love how they are learning how to properly support someone who lives a very different lifestyle from them, like me.
I know A loves games and my Grandmother loves games and so it was great to play late into the night with them and my Dad. My Dad plays slow and always checks the rules and it is irritating and hilarious. I love that I can share these oddities of my family with A. I am so impressed with how nimble the minds of my Grandparents are despite being over 80. I think games and travel play in to this and I hope to keep playing games and exploring late into my life like them.
A: My mom came to town and was completely overwhelmed and swept up in the festivities. It was a big day, as B was working and I was following my eccentric mother around as we sipped our covert beers out of coffee mugs. It was a lot of fun, actually, except I was a total dink. B told me I owed him for our cell bill, as it’s in his name, so I wasn’t aware it was due.
I’m OCD about budgets and finance so I got upset when he didn’t tell me right away. He said he was learning how this whole shared cell plan worked, but I was all, “Blah blah you have to tell me blah blah mean things,” and he left. I don’t blame him! It’s hard hanging out with my mom and I when we’ve had a couple drinks. The crappy end to our “date” with my mom (haha) was 100% my fault. I’m still learning when to bring certain things up. I always want to deal with whatever’s on my mind right – this – second!
B: If you’re wondering why I was in a Captain’s uniform it is because I was working the Saturday of Pride promoting Kingston Tourism. I met up with A and her Mom after my shift.
I was really tired (being on my feet after my bike accident has because super exhausting) and I probably should have just went home. A’s Mom can get so excited to see me and I love that. When I met up with them I had no idea they were as drunk as they were and knowing that now puts things in to perspective.
Everything was chaotic and I really just wanted to relax. Awhile ago I learned not to bring up private matter with your partner in front of family. A kept going on about the bill, which admittedly I should have told her about sooner and not even mentioned. I tried to explain that it was a mistake and I was learning and she took a really stern tone and I just left.
A is so amazing and understanding that she knew why I needed to leave and needed space. We calmed down and talked and learned and that’s really all you can ask for.
Acting out Lion King
Date #325 – Monday, June 23, 2014
A: My cat, Little Buddy, is the purrrrfect distraction when I’m working. Of course, I roped B into this one and played the Lion King song on my computer while he took a photo. Buddy couldn’t have minded more. He was high as a kite (as high as a kite could be in my apartment)…..
I got a lot of work done.
B: A describes this scene a lot more organized than I recall…
As I remember, A was talking manically to her cat Buddy and spinning him all over the apartment. I said the it was like she was Rafiki and she looked at me quizzically. I said, “You know, ‘cause you’re a primate and he’s a feline!”
THEN she put on the Lion King soundtrack and I took this photo. I love how A can act like a total goofball. I think the two of us should goof around more. We often take things so seriously when really we need more goofing.
Yankees game & Yam Chops snax
Date #326 – Monday, June 23, 2014
A:I love going to Jays games with B. I know. You know this. Probably. But this time was different! A new “vegetarian butcher shop” opened a block away from B’s place in Little Italy. It’s called Yam Chops. B picked up some goodies before the game, one being kale caesar salad. Oh my oh my oh my. I haven’t had caeser salad in YEARS. And this was just – I died. It was so yummy.
I need to learn how to spell caesar. (Thank you spell check!)
B: I think one of the reasons I love baseball is that the whole experience feels like a bunch of people going to the park…or at least that’s how I hope it feels. The Skydome (aka Rogers Centre…aka where the Blue Jays play) doesn’t feel a lot like a park, but there are some picnic tables and you can bring your own food.
I like doing things like this and I absolutely LOVED watching A’s reaction to the kale salad. She was so happy and ecstatic. I want to make her feel like this everyday.
Also, the Jays won…woo!
Movie date to see Edge of Tomorrow
Date #324 – Sunday, June 22, 2014
A: At the start of our relationship, B would ask me what movies I’d want to see to make sure he didn’t go see them. I was all, “I don’t care, B. Go see it. I’ll go see it on my own!” I really didn’t mind, but he was adamant on going together if we wanted to see the same movie. SOOOO…. I was all used to this gold star consideration that I was SHOCKED to hear he went to see Edge of Tomorrow without me. “Well, fine. I’ll go on my own.” But he came with me. I was really amused by this whole ordeal. The film was amazing AND B snuck us in pizza and so I was pretty much in heaven. Loved the movie too – for what it was.
B: I had already seen Edge of Tomorrow before but felt really bad for seeing it without A. When I was going she was visiting her sick grandmother and I left her a message from the theatre but couldn’t even tell her I was seeing the movie when I called. I KNEW she would be upset but I couldn’t help myself then.
The movie is incredible and I’m happy I went again. A was hungry after the baby shower (see previous date) and so I went and got some food and coffee while she got us seats. My only criticisms of the film are the lack of female presence outside of Emily Blunt and the lack of chemistry between her and Tom Cruise (I think he is too old for anything to be believable). It’s great action film though and looks amazing in 3D.
Baby shower and Card Making
Date #323 – Sunday, June 22, 2014
B: If I’ve ever been to a baby shower before I don’t remember. An ex-colleague of A’s was having one and we were invited. Originally we were going to bike and make a fun trip out of the whole thing, but because of my accident we took TTC.
Along the way A and I took this as an opportunity to make our first card together. We both love making cards (vs. buying them) and we figured this was a great chance to do it together (we’ll also be selling our cards soon). I love celebrating new life and I think parenthood is so exciting.
While we didn’t know what to expect the baby shower was amazing. We met a tonne of cool people and ate a lot of delicious food. There were games and prizes and the parents and family were super sweet. I felt so gracious to be included in the whole thing.
A: The baby shower was really sweet and I got to re-connect with ex-colleagues who are amazing people. My friend who was pregnant is also super chill and really subtly hilarious so there were dumb pin-the-bonnet on the baby games and such. And there was craft beer. I was uber impressed. Happy to be there with B, too. I told the ladies I was talking to I should go find him because he didn’t come back from the bathroom but – oh – he did. B was chatting it up with all these random people. It was hilarious. I love that I don’t have to worry about a thing.