Here we document our way to 1,000 dates – the joys, challenges, growing pains – and all the in-betweens.
TURF Day 2! Gaslight Anthem, Violent Femmes, and The Strumbellas
Date #340 – Saturday, July 5, 2014
A: I felt awful but really wanted to go to the second day of TURF. It was a beautiful day and we took it easy. I love going to these things with B. He knows people, we mingle, sit around, I occasionally see someone I know, usually drink beer (except I had the flu)… I am happy to spend these summer days with B outdoors listening to incredible music. It makes me feel lucky and un-alone. Like I’m part of this big group of awesome, talented, and hip people who are all there because we have something in common and, for the first time, I’m going to these events with a partner. An actual person that I’m trying real hard to build something with. And I’m really proud of it. There was a time when I didn’t think I’d ever have or feel this.
Gaslight Anthem was incredible although I wish the other band members, or at least one or two, spoke more. Maybe they don’t like to speak, so I shouldn’t assume what I’m assuming (lead singer syndrome!). Last time I saw them at Sound Academy I had recently been dumped and my friend ditched me so I cried the entire set. This show was way better and definitely a highlight of my summer. I liked singing to B too, even though my voice sounded like a million dying drones in the desert.
B: Looking back on this day I can already tell what was building to Sunday…
Anyways, this festival has an unreal lineup but I was so tired I could barely enjoy the festival. Yes, A was sick but she seemed really energized by the bands. I, on the other hand, was happy to just laze around. I was also still really sore from my bike accident and was trying to stand as little as possible. Even writing this now I can’t believe how hard it was to stand even for a short while.
Anyways, I was happy I got to see The Strumbellas. They are awesome. I left A to listen to them. I really like that we are confident and independent even together.
Here’s a track for your enjoyment:
Side Streets Production Meeting
Date #282 – Friday, May 9, 2014
A: We both had the day off and hung around B’s place for a bit. He rode my bike for the first time and said he could tell why I’d like to cruise on it. It’s more upright than his. B bikes so fast on his bike I can hardly keep up but he’s also head first like a racer or something so it’s like he has no choice but to submit to speed or something. I don’t know.
We had our second production meeting for my short film this day, too, and that was exciting and nerve wracking. I was still unsure of what exactly I wanted and was really nervous about articulating my vision. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how invested the team was and how much I should put myself out there. In retrospect, the answer is always put yourself out there. Don’t hold back. This was a learning experience for me and I loved every minute of it. The first of many meetings, I hope, and I’m glad I had B there to be a part of it.
B: Riding A’s bike was really interesting. It gave me a lot of perspective in to her biking experience. Also, I realized that she needed air in her tires. Sometimes we argue because I think she is going too slow. I have to remember I’ve been biking longer and so I’m more comfortable on a bike.
The production meeting went really well. I know A has a strong vision and that she can articulate it well. I knew she was nervous so I tried to encourage her to take charge. I also told myself to support her and do everything I could to show others that she is in charge.
…Oh, A must have forgot that we were supposed to go on our third roadtrip for autoshare‘s #discoverON program. We were going to a conservatory and paint. I got really worked up and then we didn’t go. We talked outside and then made up and I rode A’s bike. I was actually happy we didn’t go (despite the weather being perfect) because I think we both were under a lot of pressure with A’s film coming up.
1/2 beeeday celebration!
Date #276 – Saturday, May 3, 2014
A: B and I chilled out until I dragged him almost out the door to head to Victory Cafe for my half b-day party. I celebrated my 25th birthday there, too, and I wanted to go back to that place and have the same fun night I had then. But things always happen differently and I constantly re-learn this.
B got worked up and I ended up leaving to go to the bar by myself. I actually ended up sitting at a table for an for an hour by myself so it’s my karma for not staying home and talking to B about what he was feeling. I felt really guilty actually. He showed up eventually and seems to be feeling better. I can’t even remember if we spoke about it (we must update sooner, obviously… It’s May 25th as I write.)
My concern right now, writing this on May 25th, and knowing that B is okay, is wondering how many more years I’m going to celebrate my half birthday and if people will actually show up. That’s what I thought about for that hour I sat alone. I thought, What if I told all the strangers staring at me at this empty table that I had friends coming and no one every showed up? What would they think and why do I care? When my first friend arrived I told her laughing, “I was sitting here thinking about how funny it would be if I had no friends and my thing was going to bars and sitting at 8 person tables and telling the servers my friends were coming but no one would ever show up.”
“That wouldn’t be funny. That’s be sad,” she said. And then I laughed awkwardly.
B: Waiting at A’s didn’t seem like an hour. It seemed like a lot less. I can’t remember why I was so overwhelmed, but I know it was in part because of Date #269. Maybe if I told A things would have gone better.
I don’t like getting so worked up and anxious and I know things would be easier if I didn’t. Biking to Victory I almost ran into a car when it totally cut me off. I couldn’t wait to tell A.
A is amazing and I felt bad for leaving her, resulting in her sitting in a bar for an hour. I’m sorry A.
Brews + Baristas – #discoverON Trip 2
Date #268 – Saturday April 26, 2014
B: A and I are taking road trips all over Ontario this summer using autoshare hybrids and the hashtag #discoverON. Our second trip featured a trek to Barrie to visit Bohemia Café and Flying Monkeys’ brewery. While the trip in total was great, there was a definite rocky start.
Before we left from A’s I went to get my mitts from where I left them, but then remembered that one was missing. I asked if she had any idea where they may be and she reacted quite defensively. I called her on this and that didn’t go well. I’m very sensitive about loosing things because I grew up with a Sister who always took my stuff and a Mom who always moved my things. I felt like A didn’t want to hear my explanation and so this put me in an even more sensitive mood.
Before we got in the car I tried setting up the shot you see above. I asked A what she thought would look good and she responded, “I don’t know, it’s your shot.” I took this WAAAAYY too personally and then spent 10 minutes sitting in silence, trying to calm down. We eventually took the shot and I explained to A that this trip is our trip and that I took that statement as an expression that we were doing things separately and not together (I like teamwork and partnerships).
I appreciate that A knows to let me sort through my big feelings and deal with them. I try to take responsibility and ownership over what I’m feeling.
The café was adorable and the owner, Jill, was celebrating her 60th birthday!! We spoke about coffee, local business, and enjoying life. We then had some great coffee, an amazing veggie burger, and amazing pie with whisky whipped cream!!
The brewery tour was great too. Even as a non-drinker, I enjoyed learning about the processes and the care Flying Monkeys takes in everything (even their funny bottle caps). A tasted a bunch of beer and looked adorable getting so excited about buying gifts and tasting new brews.
A: This trip was fun and cute although we were crunched for time. I would have liked to spend more time at the brewery (we missed the beginning of the tour and had to leave shortly after). It’s sweet to get out of the city and to explore places we probably wouldn’t go to otherwise. It was rainy, too, so it was a nice little day. Coffee and veggie food and cafes and craft beer and I even got my mother’s day gift at the brewery!
Date #258 – Tuesday April 15, 2014
A: The best of the Marvel movies! I loved the first Captain America and this one was also great, entertaining, and funny! Go see it! And come over and play the PS3 game with me… because it’s awesome!
B: I learn new things about A all the time. She may have mentioned this before, but never with such gusto. A is awesome and adorable. This movie was fantastic and totally worth seeing in 3D.
Oh, I wasn’t supposed to sit in chairs all day because I’m doing this 30-day Liberated Body Challenge. I cheated during the movie, so A made sure I sat on the floor while we ate our veggie burgers with lettuce buns.
Trip to the Kissing Bridge
Date #257 – Sunday April 13, 2014
B: This trip was totally amazing! It was our first trip as part of autoshare‘s #discoverON program. I didn’t feel nervous at all about this trip, just excited. We did a bunch of things which A describes below. This great clothing company, Frank & Oak, also sent me some clothes which were perfectly stylish and stretchy (which is important for adventures). I also made this slideshow:
A: B picked The Kissing Bridge because he’s a romantic. I smiled inside when he titled our trip and told myself to feel lucky. I’m such a resister to PDA but he loves love and I admire that.
It was a lot of fun driving a hybrid car for the first time and getting out the city. We stopped at some decrepit barns and had a picnic in a park. We ate pie and found girl guide cookies. The girls selling them were hilarious.
“Can I get my picture with you?”
“Sure! Girls! Take your sweaters off. Our leader wouldn’t like that. AND THE PHONES. Get our phones off the table.”
It was hilarious. We got unpasteurized honey too, and made it back to town in time to drop our stuff off before the car was due. I’m SO PARANOID of being late. But we made it! I love this #discoverON program. I feel so lucky to be a part of it!
Take us out to the ball game! (again)
Date #253 – Wednesday April 9, 2014
B: I love going to the bluejays games with A. We have Season Passes, so we’ll go a lot. The experience is relaxing and invigorating at the same time. I made some Indian food and brought it to the game (yeah, you can bring food in) and met up with A. We ate while sitting on these picnic tables in the outfield, using our phones and occasionally watching the games.
We haven’t been to baseball games since the early days of our relationship, so there were a few flashbacks. I joked about how A was missing many plays for being on her phone. I didn’t mind though. We did talk a lot. Also, A expressed a desired to buy a Jays shirt and that made my heart melt.
Oh yeah, the Jays won over Houston 7-3.
A: haha, made his heart melt. An interesting thing about this blog is that we learn MORE about each other and certain moments than we normally would.
Yes, I want a Jays shirt. But not a catchy one with jewel or a baby tee (gross). I also don’t want a t-shirt. It has to be nice. I am picky about these things.
The Jays game was fun. B said to me, “I’m trying to figure out why you being on your phone bothers me so much,” and then he joked about being jealous of it. I’ve been paying a lot of attention lately and have noticed how people are more on their devices than in the moment at events or gatherings and it is a strange movement. It makes sense because I know what I use mine for and assume everyone is using their phones relatively similarly… but from the outside looking in, it seems rude and distant. If I don’t think about it, though, then I don’t mind at all!! Funny how that happens……..
Endings and Create a Buzz! Planning
Date #252 – Tuesday April 8, 2014
B did most of the Create A Buzz! planning. He signed us up and kept track of the dates and such. I am really grateful for that because I was feeling really overwhelmed by the number of projects I have going on and the impending job change I was in the midst of. He organized all the slides and had so many great ideas. I typed up notes as we looked at all the slides and had a skeleton presentation all set for Thursday. It was awesome. I was really impressed.
B: In all the excitement A may have forgot that this was her last day at the production company and the eve of her starting to work on a new TV Show. A does have a lot of projects and is very talented.
Planning for this was great. I can get very serious and specific about projects (I am a perfectionist) and A knows how to handle my temperament really well.
A sunny walk
Date #250 – Monday April 7, 2014
A: It was my second last day at the job I’d been doing for almost 2 years. My bike was at work (I think?) and so we walked. It was a beautiful day and I’d just gotten a new pink Jansport bag. I love them. I got a pink one because I didn’t feel visible enough biking in a black coat and grey knapsack.
If you look back at last November, B and I used to walk to work a lot. It’s always nice doing things again after not doing them for a while, especially if you have fond memories of whatever you’re doing. The mind is funny, and I was just talking about this with B’s sister, but the emotional spark of a place or activity that can be reborn at a later time is sometimes surprising. I never used to like walking because I was impatient about getting to where I was going but I like walking with B.
B: I’ve been doing this 30-Day Liberated Body Challenge and it made my realize I really don’t walk a lot. It’s really important and I hope this inspires you to go on a few more walks.
A was so happy to show off her new bag and she looks so adorable. These pictures make we want to go on more adventures.
A Good Cry
Date #249 – Sunday April 6, 2014
A: Crying in public for the win! On our lunch break, B and I separated because of emotion and I spent some time acting like a juvenile poet writing sporadic sentences in a notebook to try and figure out how I was feeling. Conclusion: I am feeling weak. That’s all.
After the conference finished, B and I were deciding what to do and I said I wanted to be alone. Then I asked him to come over. I clarified that I didn’t want to be alone but I didn’t want to talk. (Do you ever feel that way?) I basically pulled him in a million different directions like a directionless lost girl and he got really frustrated with me. So then I cried. In public. Again. Great!
I wasn’t even as extremely embarrassed as I probably should have been. (I don’t care about where I am when I feel things.) B and I talked about the pressures of change and movement, new jobs, plans, the pressures of money… It’s stressful! I feel a lot of pressure having to completely support myself and I get jealous of people who have solid families that support them or can support them if they run into money troubles. It’s all relative, I know, but it’s also a lot of pressure. I’m not an easy person to be accountable to. But B is extremely supportive and kind and understanding and sometimes I can’t believe I’ve met someone like him. Pinch me so I can wake up already!! (just kidding please don’t!!!)
B: Looking back on this day I find it impressive that we were able to function as well as we did. In the beginning we were both feeling intense feelings. Throughout the day they were expressed, but never vocalized.
Somewhere after TSC I got frustrated because I thought A wasn’t supporting or acknowledging me, and then I realized that she was dealing with something bigger and more important. I let go of my frustrations because hers took precedence in this moment. Relationships are about give and take, and sometimes you have to give when you’d rather take.
Supporting A actually calmed me down and put things in to perspective.