Tag: couple

Recovery Day 7 – Walking, shopping, working

Date #357 – Saturday, July 26, 2014

A: Finding things that don’t require me to stare at a screen are great – so we went for a walk. A photo walk; sauntering around Church-Wellesly Village and over to some bookstores on Yonge. I also got a bunch of M&Ms because there was a promo code inside to get 2 free movie tickets. Worth it!

Spending time in the bookstore was awesome. B and I picked up a couple books – I got some pulpy syfy from the 40’s and another Bradbury book which was recommended. B got a haiku book and a Richter coffee table book. I smiled like a goof when he told me his book choices. He’s basically a dream of mine. I mean, a haiku book. Swoon.

B: A adorably worked out the cost of these bags of M &Ms and how many you would have to buy to get the 2 movie ticket deal vs the cost of 2 movie tickets and determined it was worth buying the M&Ms. I was worried about all the sugar and also that A can’t eat M&Ms because of her teeth being broken…which meant I would probably eat them all.

We went though and she was super happy. It was cute.

I love being in bookstores. I love being surrounded by all that knowledge. I can’t wait to have my own book of poetry in there. It terrifies me and that means I must do it. I bought a book of Haikus by Masaoka Shiki (I think) and I book of paintings from Gerhardt Richter (one of my favourites).

Day 2 of recovery – Dizziness and flowers

Date #352 – Monday, July 21, 2014

A: This was the worst day. The worst. I opened my eyes in the morning to a world that was SPINNING. My room looked like those desert photos taken of the sky at night where the stars look like they’re circling us. It was scary. “What do I do!?” I said, grabbing B’s arm. He didn’t know! He said, “Does it feel better with your eyes open or closed!?” It was traumatizing. We made a little corner on the couch where I could sit up and rest. Every time I put my head back, the world spun, so that was my day. All I can say is that I’m so lucky B was there and that he graciously worked from home to stay with me. It was so scary!

B: There was no way I was going to leave A alone. She kept waking up in a panic and then going back to bed. It was kind of terrifying.

Thankfully things calmed down a bit and we chalked the dizziness up to the 1/2 Percoset she took the night before. These kind of side affects are a big reason I am not a fan of drugs.

As A calmed down we started to focus more on updating the people in her life about the accident. Her and I freelance and so when things like this happen you have to be proactive about letting people know. Her writing colleagues were super gracious and understanding about everything.

As the news spread the questions about the accident and well-wishes for a speedy recovery came in. As I read the messages to A I was overwhelmed. Above is a photo of the first of many bouquets that arrived.

Back from the cottage

Date #346 – Sunday, July 13, 2014

A: I don’t have any photos from the night so here’s one I took as I was waiting for people to get in the cars and go. I spent the weekend at a friend’s cottage… without B. Last year, it was the opposite. When I got back we hung out and… Hm… Can’t remember what we did. It was probably relaxing. 😛

B: A was away at the cottage all weekend. We talked a few times when she was there. I could tell she was relaxing away and that we would catch up more when she got back.

I was watching her cats so I was at her place when she got back. It was nice to be there to greet her.

She’s Black He’s Jewish Oh Vey!

Date #343 – Tuesday, July 8, 2014

NOTE: B talks about sexually specific issues in this post.

A: B and I went to see She’s Black He’s Jewish They’re Married Oy Vey! at the Fringe Fest this year and it was… interesting. It was about married couple – she’s black, he’s jewish – and their performance was about successful marriage and how, if two people stemming from arguably the most repressed histories can come together and be incredibly happy in life and love, then you can too. In that regard it was funny. I enjoy sexually humorous and adventurous content, especially in public, but I am so passionate about not fitting into a box that I get a little turned off when shows are simply about heteronormative love. I think we live in a day and age where we no longer have to fit into boxes and follows formulas and there’s a freedom in that. I know a lot of people don’t see this or understand it or have had the opportunity to learn about this sort of approach to life and that heteronormative art/shows/stories take away from the possibility of people learning that there’s more to life and love than that.

I was happy to be there with B. I hope that we can spend the rest of our lives going to shows and seeing art and experiencing people in this way.

B: OH MY GOSH this play was hilarious! I laughed so hard!!

I think a play featuring people making fun of themselves, talking crudely about their own sex-lives, and ultimately offering up some great relationship advice is the perfect date. I’m so happy that we went.

I understand A’s observations about things being slightly heteronormative, but I also think these two were trying to say “this is our story and here’s what we learned that may help you too.”  There were a few times where they made broad statements that painted all couples as woman + man. 

There was one point where I felt somewhat uncomfortable that I haven’t talked to A about…It was when the two went on about the lesson “never let him cum first.” It was a lesson based off the idea that when a man ejaculates he doesn’t want to do anything else. Taken further and more broadly, this could be meant as “always put your partner’s needs in front of your’s”…or not.

Anyways, I know this feeling well. It’s quite often true. I don’t know what it is or why, but when I ejaculate I do loose most of my sexual interest. It has nothing to do with A and I am happy to kiss her and cuddle, I just don’t really want to do anything sexual after. 

I love making A happy in all ways. Sexually, I know she often pays a lot of attention to me (with no pressure or suggestion from me at all). So when this came up in the play I felt like I was blushing a lot and thinking “Oh no! I cum first all the time. We’ve never talked about this!”

Looks like we need to have a conversation…

Guardians Let Down + Deliver Us From Evil

Date #342 – Monday, July 7, 2014

A: I got intel on a preview of Guardians of the Galaxy and found out how to get tickets. I went two hours early, B meeting me there, only to find out that it was a 17 minute preview of the scene – and we didn’t even like it. I was so many. I hated that we wasted so much time there and no one even said once it was only 17 minutes. Multiple people were confused, too. Well I wrote IMAX later and complaint that their wording was off. The ticket read: Guardians of the Galaxy – first look with an exclusive 17 minutes of footage. What do you think?

IMAX ended up compensating us with two tickets which was really nice. We also went to see Deliver Us From Evil which I thought was funny. It was our first horror in the theatre (and second overall). When we first met I asked B if he liked horror movies and he said yes. I was stoked to have a buddy to get scared with! ……but every time I suggest a horror movie B looks at like and says, “But that’s scary.” It’s adorable so I can’t get mad but, finally, we’re watching them! What should be our third??

B: I pay a lot of attention to customer service. I’ve worked for a lot of companies and I currently freelance in Media, so I really obsess over intended messages, audiences, and connecting with people.

I think Marvel Studios’ “preview” was a MASSIVE fail. I think it set the wrong expectation and, as a result, let a lot of people down. Also, they missed out on an opportunity to get a bunch of fans talking about the movie super-early.

But, it’s killing at the box-office and we were nicely reimbursed for our time so that’s all good.

What is more important is how A and I noted the one female character (and I include all background characters in this statement) we saw during our 17-minute scene. Yes, only ONE. It was an indicator of what I already suspected, a studio who in its ten releases has yet to release a film with a female lead, still doesn’t get it. Not having seen the entire film, I’ll leave you with a quote from this Salon review:

Gunn genuinely went out to create a film with “strong female characters” and was savvy enough to include a basic Bechdel pass. But then secure in the knowledge that he was meeting that goal, he failed to realize that jokes about prostitution and background characters like the Collector’s assistant and Peter Quill’s one-night-stands would serve to undermine those intentions.

We needed… space

Date #341 – Sunday, July 6, 2014

A: Brian and I were having internal dialogues with ourselves that completely clashed once the words came out. I drew this self-portrait on an app I found because I was looking for a distraction and wanted to seem busy. We don’t have other photos because it was one of those days. Do you take photos on those days?

I ended up leaving B and biking home crying. When I got home I paced a lot and cleaned my apartment until I decided to go to TURF anyway, even if I was going alone (Good idea because Jeff Tweedy is incredible and bad idea because Wilco songs make me cry a lot). I wanted to make things right with B but I’m learning that space is good, sometimes. In the beginning I would press and we would argue and nothing ever got solved until we had some space. Well we had some space. And it got solved. I am awful at remember the small details, but I knew I missed him very much while listening to Jeff Tweedy. I even sent him a song whose lyrics I cried to while standing in the crowd and I held my phone so tightly waiting for a response, hoping it was positive and loving. I felt like I was 15. I know we’re only on date #341, but I would be utterly heartbroken without B. It was an emotional day. 

B: I was so happy when I found out that A ended up going to see Wilco. We had one of those arguments where a bunch of stuff builds up and you can’t really say what you’re fighting about. After things and I was sitting on my bed feeling sad I thought, “I caused this and A shouldn’t miss Wilco because of that.” She didn’t and that was good.

One of the things I’ve learned is to focus on how you’re feeling and what you need. I realized in this moment that I needed my own space. I remember feeling like I was being pulled in a million different directions and completely overwhelmed. I’m not sure why but I know in those moments I have a tendency to take it out on the people closest to me and blame them for my feelings. NEVER blame others for your feelings. It will get you no where.

So A and I took some space and I started to accept that that was what we needed and I was totally afraid to admit that. I’m afraid sometimes that I will loose A and I’m afraid to be alone and so I hold on to things so tightly that they can sometimes reek havoc. 

What I learned is that A and I need to accept that sometimes we need time apart and that is OK. The big question is how we will get this “alone time” when we live together….

Andrea gets the flu – from B’s sister???

Date #338 – Thursday, July 3, 2014

A: All of this cost me $80 which I thought was a lot at the time but I later realized one or two pill or even a bag of protein could cost $65 or $100 easily! Over the past few years I’ve gotten into herbal remedies. I’ve never been one to take meds – ever – not even advil unless my headache is exploding – so working with people and meeting B who are/is interested in similar approaches has really inspired me. For example, I never knew about oil of oregano until I worked at my last job. It’s a miracle. Take it when you’re sick, and when you feel like you’re getting sick. Two hours after you take it, have a probiotic like kombucha or even a probiotic supplement. Oil of oregano kills the good and bad cells – everything – and the probiotic will restore the good cells. It works wonders.

Also – if you’re anemic or take iron – take it with vitamin C! You absorb 100% more of it!

We watched Orphan Black all night. I had the flu. It was legit. B was on all the pills too to ensure he didn’t get sick. What a lovely man, for keeping me company. Looking back fondly on date #2……. We were so eloquent in that entry. (If I could rewrite it, it’d include: I thought B was nuts for inviting me over having the flu, and I felt even more ridiculous driving over to his house as sick as a dog. We watched one my my favourite books-turned-movies and he was so open and accepting about how corny it was and how awful I was feeling that I was totally aghast and smitten. He told me was an intense person. I wanted to tell him I was difficult. Instead, I thought, maybe this will work out.)

B: I don’t know why, but I like taking care of people when they are sick. I think the body is remarkable and I’ve always been especially interested in how nutrition can help. I’m a big supporter of natural remedies and maybe part of me treats treating A like an experiment…sorry A but it seems to be working.

My little sister totally gave the flu to A. Luckily our friend Nathalie Niddam has given us an awesome routine that involves Oil of Oregano (followed by probiotics 2 hours later) Vitamin C, D, Zinc and an immune booster featuring Rishi Mushrooms. It totally works (especially if you start right when symptoms present).

Also, taking care of a sick person can be awesome. You get to sit around and watch movies and eat soup and drink orange juice but you don’t feel sick. Anyways, A got better and I didn’t get sick and now we have a pharmacy in the kitchen.

Swinging Life Away – literally!

Date #335 – Tuesday, July 1, 2014

A: Canada Day! We went to the beach/park with B’s family. It was so lovely. Until B and his sis were all, “Hey, you HAVE to go on this spiny park toy. It’s SO fun.” So I did. And it was AWFUL. You don’t even know (and never will because I made B delete the video). I couldn’t stop spinning and my feet didn’t reach the ground, and there was nothing for me to reach for to stop myself, so I freaked out. Literally. I was in a weird headspace from the night before and I know it was completely selfish and unfair of me to act the way I did. I was always really embarrassed which didn’t settle well in my stomach. It was an off day. And I feel so silly for not acting like a grown up, but I guess we all have these days every once in a while. I just… usually try to have them alone in my apartment and not in front of my boyfriend’s entire family. Hah.

B: I wrote about the whole “playground incident” in the last post so I won’t get in to that here. Instead, I will tell you about the awesome things that happened. We walked along this beautiful peer and we laughed and we all spent time together – A and I and most of my family.

My Grandparents have little arguments about a lot of things. They are both opinionated individuals and so they but heads. I think it is hilarious…despite feeling very awkward at times. A got to see this. What was best was that one of these arguments was going on when A and I asked my Grandparents to swing together so I could take a photo of them. My Grandfather pouted while my Grandmother pleaded. I saw A and I in that moment.

Eventually they got on the swings and had a great time. They laughed while I took pictures and forgot about their argument. It gave me hope that if you are willing to just stop and joke around for a moment, you can always come back to the person you love.

World Pride Parade 2014!

Date #332 – Sunday, June 29, 2014

A: It was an epic day of celebration! I love this city and I had all these amazing friends and family to share it with. I hosted a sangria brunch that B couldn’t make it to (what were you doing again??) but we managed to meet at our friend’s place. I’d never seen the parade from this angle, and it was great. This was B’s and my’s first pride together. So stoked for more. I think this might be one of my favourite days of the year!

B: World Pride was a huge week of festivites that ended with the Pride Parade. This is my favourite parade because everyone is always so happy and festive. I was worried this year because standing was still difficult because of my bike accident.

Luckily, A’s friend has a sweet apartment on Yonge St. and we got to watch the Parade from his place. I was so stoked when I got there to find his entire family playing “water-balloon catch” with people in the parade and shooting water guns. 

Everyone is so happy. Many of the police officers joined in and the crowd cheered at them taunting us to throw the balloons. Some politicians, including Mayoral candidate Olivia Chow, were also having a huge blast. 

The parade was ridiculously long but it was super fun. A got pretty tipsy and was so happy and I thought it was adorable. We were at the bar and she was sassing the server and I felt so in love with her. I love when A is happy.

Tense moments during World Pride

Date #331 – Saturday, June 28, 2014

A: My mom came to town and was completely overwhelmed and swept up in the festivities. It was a big day, as B was working and I was following my eccentric mother around as we sipped our covert beers out of coffee mugs. It was a lot of fun, actually, except I was a total dink. B told me I owed him for our cell bill, as it’s in his name, so I wasn’t aware it was due.

I’m OCD about budgets and finance so I got upset when he didn’t tell me right away. He said he was learning how this whole shared cell plan worked, but I was all, “Blah blah you have to tell me blah blah mean things,” and he left. I don’t blame him! It’s hard hanging out with my mom and I when we’ve had a couple drinks. The crappy end to our “date” with my mom (haha) was 100% my fault. I’m still learning when to bring certain things up. I always want to deal with whatever’s on my mind right – this – second!

B: If you’re wondering why I was in a Captain’s uniform it is because I was working the Saturday of Pride promoting Kingston Tourism. I met up with A and her Mom after my shift.

I was really tired (being on my feet after my bike accident has because super exhausting) and I probably should have just went home. A’s Mom can get so excited to see me and I love that. When I met up with them I had no idea they were as drunk as they were and  knowing that now puts things in to perspective.

Everything was chaotic and I really just wanted to relax. Awhile ago I learned not to bring up private matter with your partner in front of family. A kept going on about the bill, which admittedly I should have told her about sooner and not even mentioned. I tried to explain that it was a mistake and I was learning and she took a really stern tone and I just left. 

A is so amazing and understanding that she knew why I needed to leave and needed space. We calmed down and talked and learned and that’s really all you can ask for.